sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
