I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
