In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
