So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
