Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
