I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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