I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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