WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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