We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
