Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
