I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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