I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
