It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
