and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
