the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
