I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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