watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
