so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
