I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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