It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
