My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
