She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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