Already got asked if we're dating
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
