I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
