I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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