i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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