She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
