but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
