I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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