Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
