I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
