I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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