I cockslap morals
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
