Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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