So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dicks are not precious.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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