Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
