she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
