...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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