you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
