How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
