D3 body, D1 cock
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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