They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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