3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
