dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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