do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
