I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
