dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
