...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
