Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Randomize
