HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
