That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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