My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I pour the whiskey from now on
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
