the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Found the puke drawer
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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