Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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