You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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