I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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