I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
